Clear The Runway

Hello my long lost friends!

It is summer here in the States and I have spent mine getting healthy. Last you knew I was graduating from university and planning on attending graduate school. Now I feel comfortable enough to tell you all that I will not be going to graduate school in the fall. This past semester I struggled with health issues and depression. Things got so bad that I had to medically drop four of the six classes I was taking. Luckily those four were for my business minor and I had enough credits to graduate with my double major in international affairs and sociology in three years, ultimately leaving myself with half of a business minor. Life gets pretty tough and I have been afraid to post anywhere on social media that I didn't perform to the expectations I had set for myself, the ones I thought society would hold me to. As it turns out, society can kindly kiss my ass! I shouldn't be afraid to admit that I suffer from depression, I shouldn't be afraid to say I'm changing my short term plans to accommodate my health! Many people follow the path of graduating then getting a respectable job. If you know me, you know I happily stumble from that beaten path. 

I digress...

I'm proud to say that I lack firm plans about my future but hold steadfast to my goals of getting healthy mentally and physically, traveling, and getting a job that isn't work because I love it so much. 

I've been getting iron infusions and doing nutrient therapy because blood work showed I was extremely deficient in necessary vitamins, as my body was not absorbing them. These deficiencies made my depression worse and now that I am getting vitamins the depression is slowly decreasing. I am also concentrating on self love because after the traumatic relationship I was in, I thought I was worthless and a truly terrible person. Now I am ready to embrace the healing on all levels!

My path to healing does include some travel within the United States. That is what this entire post was supposed to be about: getting the wanderlust back in my eyes! I've got a little sparkle in them, a little shine. I'm ready to hit the Tarmac and invigorate my soul! Keep on the lookout for more posts as I document my healing, travels, and experiences!

I'll be going on an adventure very soon, if you want to see all of the fun add me on Snapchat- toriquaglia. Two weeks and I'll be up in the air again!

Thanks to my family and a few very close friends, I'm coming back to life. Never give up on yourself, you are worthy, you are loved. I know this because I LOVE YOU! Here's my jam that gets the good vibes going for me, Chumbawumba - Tubthumping

This Too Shall Pass... It is Passing!

My last post was quite dreary. I was ready to give up on life. Sometimes everything becomes so overwhelming that I just want to sleep and seek refuge in my dreams. Depression does that, it pushes you to the very edge. Just like you have bad days, we also have good days. It's 2:30 in the morning on a Monday that I have classes and all of a sudden I feel renergized and invigorated. I know I have a larger purpose in life and I know I can make the world a better place! University is helping me expand my horizons, attain knowledge and experience I need, but it is also making me weary. Sometimes I need to stop and be that young woman doing odd and irresponsible, unplanned things! I need to travel and share my light, you need to share your light!! 

This past weekend I realized I am a good saleswoman. I have a way with people that is natural and genuine and I can use that in philanthropy and humanitarian efforts just the same as I could in the business world! I will be okay!! My plans may not come out as I hope or expect, but that's the journey. 

Stay positive my friends, and if you can't do that then eat food because food will always make you feel better! And know that I love you, whomever you are reading this blog, I love and appreciate you. 

Cheers to big things ahead, obstacles and opportunities. 

Break Down

I only want to love and be loved. I cannot do anything else. 

Que Sera Sera

What will be will be. Patience is a virtue, a virtue I do not have. Love is the most important thing to me in life, to love and be loved. Love is that security, that feeling of being invincible, that complete grounding to the Earth. I love myself, yet I am constantly looking for and focusing on being love by a man, and not just any man, the man. This man is the one who I dream about, the one I pray for, the one I talk to at random points knowing that wherever he is he is still receiving my love. I am impatient with this idea of love, not the man. College is not where I will find him, I will find him somewhere along my travels or he will find me. At some point we may lose touch and have to wait years before reconnecting, but I will go through all of that heartache just to feel that incredible and unconditional love.
I am trying to let go of the idea of that person until we happen upon each other, I won't be looking, just living life. We all deserve the greatest love, if there was more love in the world rather than deceit and hate then it would be a much happier and safer place.
I'm just rambling at this point, don't know where I started or where I am going, kind of like Michael Scott says! To anyone who is listening, I love you. Thank you for reading my thoughts and for being you. You deserve love, we all do.
My mother tells me that any man who truly deserves me will love me more than my dog loves me, and that is the damn truth! Colbie Caillat- Capri

Here is to some day experiencing that monumental unconditional love.

Tori

Beau and I wearing matching sweaters on Christmas Day

This is Her Year

I am back! I am back mentally and emotionally. If you read my last post you could have picked up on some sadness and feelings of stagnation, those are gone! I am out of an abusive relationship which was responsible for a lot of those negative and heavy feelings.

2015 is MY YEAR, my year of Light! It seems that years ending in odd numbers end up being some of my best, but every year presents many opportunities to seize life. My year of Light is formed around the idea that I have a light shining from within me and that I can spread that light without losing any of it while at the same time igniting or enhancing someone else's light. Last year was very difficult and my light shrunk, this year my light is already growing close to where it was when I returned from Peru, and I hope to seize opportunities that will encourage and facilitate it's growth.

I am graduating from Florida State University this spring with my Bachelor's of Science in International Affairs with a focus in anthropology, a second major in sociology, and a business minor. After I graduate I hope to be accepted into FSU's graduate program in International Affairs. This summer I want to travel and fill my new passport, I want to see old friends from home and from my travels, I want to invigorate my life again! You know that feeling when you start to feel like you have outgrown your current situation, your current space, and you know or feel deep down that you need to go somewhere else and inhale deliciously foreign languages and cultures? That is wanderlust, and I have it. If you are experiencing this too, lets go together, somewhere in a different hemisphere, somewhere that we can be ourselves completely, somewhere that life "just happens".

You are reading this and therefore you are an intimate friend of mine now, nice to meet you too! I can see this post is starting to digress, but I would like to remind anyone out there who is listening or reading, life is good, you just have to shake off what does not vibe with you. It may be difficult but you can do it, this too shall pass, and you shall be the bad ass you truly are! Here is a link to one of my favorite YouTube personality's latest music video produced by his good friends and family, this link inspired me and I hope it gets your passion going too! This Is My Year- The Shaytards

A majestic tiger snoozing on top of me at Busch Gardens while I am overly excited

And this folks, is where I tell you to keep kicking ass, vaya con dios, and be kind to one another! Good vibes friends, see you soon.

Tori